Weekend Getaway?
Navigating Respite as a Special Parent
Dear Special Parent,
Parenting often comes with lots of well-meaning advice, like: “Take a break, you deserve it.” But, this advice doesn’t always fit the unique challenges of special parenting. This year, I’ve embarked on two meticulously planned “breaks”—a work-related trip, and a long weekend getaway intended solely for rest. Both times, I returned home to situations that left me questioning the standard advice.
I returned from my work trip to find illness had engulfed my home, plunging everything into chaos. Not entirely deterred by the prospect of a well-deserved break, I planned a weekend away a few months later, meticulously organizing every detail and depending on two caregivers. However, upon my return, I was disheartened to find that one of the caregivers had breached my trust. These revelations were profoundly eye-opening.
Rethinking Traditional Advice
These incidents made me realize that the common notion of “getting away” might not be the best fit for everyone, especially for parents of children with developmental disabilities. The idea that stepping away for a week, or even a weekend, is always refreshing is not a universal truth. In reality, the aftermath of such breaks can sometimes leave us dealing with more stress than if we'd stayed.
Perhaps, as special parents, we need to redefine what respite means for us. Instead of tuning into the widespread advice that insists on getting away, it might be more beneficial to seek out forms of respite that align more closely with our unique circumstances. This might instead look like integrating moments of relaxation near (or within) our homes. This could include taking a few days off from work while the kids remain in school, to enjoy a self-crafted itinerary of leisure—whether it's a reflective stroll through a local museum, a rejuvenating day at a spa, unwinding on the beach, or energizing with a nature hike. These brief escapes can restore balance and wellbeing.
Finding respite that fits our reality could also mean prioritizing types of assistance that genuinely alleviate our daily burdens without creating additional stress. Whether it’s hiring help for specific tasks within the home or arranging for after-school care that feels safe and reliable, the goal should be about genuinely reducing pressure, not just meeting conventional expectations.
Conclusion
The lesson here is not that we avoid breaks, but that we adapt our approach to respite in ways that truly serve our needs and those of our families. Let’s consider tuning out the standard advice and tuning into what works personally for us, creating a respite plan that brings true peace of mind.
Dr. Kimberly
Dr. Kimberly Idoko
Certified Special Parent Coach
Dr. Kimberly is the mother and fierce advocate of Aiden and Lexi; Lexi is developmentally disabled by Rett Syndrome. Dr. Kimberly is a board-certified neurologist in clinical practice for more than 15 years; she is also a children’s rights attorney — the former director of healthcare advocacy at a Los Angeles-based legal agency. She is Yale College, Penn Medicine, Columbia Business, and Stanford Law trained.
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