Dear Special Parent,
As a neurologist and parent of a nonverbal child, I’ve traversed a path that has illuminated the vast landscape of communication. My daughter, Lexi, who lives with Rett Syndrome, has been learning to use a high-tech Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) device for several years. While her progress is slow, it is incredibly significant, opening new avenues for us to connect in ways we once thought were beyond our reach.
Learning to Listen
Nonverbal communication encompasses more than just gestures or facial expressions; it is a complex language of glances, sounds, and even silences. For Lexi, every slight movement, every flicker of expression is a part of her trying to convey her thoughts and needs. As parents, tuning into these cues involves a deep level of patience and attentiveness.
One afternoon stands out vividly in my memory, shedding light on the profound connection that can occur when we truly tune into our children’s nonverbal signals. Lexi was sitting in her play area, surrounded by her favorite toys, but instead of her usual engagement, she seemed unusually pensive. Her gaze was fixed on a particular spot in the room, her body language more withdrawn than usual.
Approaching quietly, I followed her line of sight and realized she was staring at a picture of us at the beach—a recent family outing that she had enjoyed immensely. Understanding her focus on the photo wasn’t just a fleeting interest but a longing, I sat beside her, gently took her hand, and began to talk about that day, describing the feel of the sand, the sound of the waves, and how happy it had made us. Slowly, a small smile appeared on her face, and she turned to me, her eyes brightening—a clear sign of recognition and connection.
Tools for Connection
This moment underscored the importance of interpretative skills in parenting a nonverbal child. Here are a few strategies I’ve found invaluable:
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Be Observant: Pay close attention to body language and facial expressions. Over time, you might notice patterns or specific behaviors that indicate particular needs or emotions.
Create Opportunities for Choice: Offer choices visually, whether through pictures or actual objects. This not only empowers your child but also encourages them to make their preferences known.
Use Technology Wisely: High-tech AAC devices can be incredible tools, but integrating them effectively requires that they are tailored to your child’s specific way of communicating. Patience is key as both you and your child learn to use these tools proficiently.
Celebrate Small Successes: Each small step in communication is a victory. Acknowledge and celebrate these moments enthusiastically.
Conclusion
Tuning into Lexi’s nonverbal cues has not only allowed us to understand her better but has also deepened our emotional connection. It’s a reminder that communication is not solely about words; it’s also about the shared understanding that grows through consistent, patient interaction.
Every child is different, and as parents, our approach must adapt to meet them where they are, especially when they communicate differently. Embracing the world of nonverbal communication opens up new possibilities for interaction—a journey that, while challenging, is incredibly rewarding.
By sharing our experiences, I hope to inspire other parents to explore the silent conversations awaiting discovery with their children. The world of nonverbal communication is rich with expression and emotion, and as we learn to navigate it, the bonds we build are immeasurably strengthened.
Dr. Kimberly
Dr. Kimberly Idoko
Certified Special Parent Coach
Dr. Kimberly is the mother and fierce advocate of Aiden and Lexi; Lexi is developmentally disabled by Rett Syndrome. Dr. Kimberly is a board-certified neurologist in clinical practice for more than 15 years; she is also a children’s rights attorney — the former director of healthcare advocacy at a Los Angeles-based legal agency. She is Yale College, Penn Medicine, Columbia Business, and Stanford Law trained.
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